Oh, You Crazy Quiverfulls

So, we're listening to NPR this morning, and they do a segment on the "Quiverfull Movement" (read or listen). Within the 5 minute walk from my truck to the train, I'm fired up and spittin' nickels.

So, what exactly is a Quiverfull Movement?
In a nutshell, it's an Evangelical Christian "culture" based on a biblical passage (Psalm 127) that justifies having enough children to field a Division III football team.

Just so we're clear, here's what the New King James Version states:

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

... and here comes all of my questions, along with my parting rant.

• Why does every biblical passage have to be ambiguous? You can reread that sucker 5x and pull any kind of meaning out you want. Maybe it's implying that people who suffer from depression really don't have enough bullets in their gun cabinet!


• Why do these couples need a justification from God just to have sex? You're married now! Go forth and prosper! You don't need God's "thumbs-up" to go knock it out every night!


• What happens when one is gay? Statistically, 10% of the population is gay. God put that "sinner" here, right? Let the hypocrisy begin...


• Why is it that only the man who gets to be happy? Oh, yeah, that's right... we all know how high on the totem pole women rank in these cultures.


• What in the heck does that last sentence mean? Don't be ashamed of having kids, because you'll have to talk to your enemies. What happened to the arrows? Now you're NOT gonna use the arrows??? You just paid for all these friggin arrows laying around? WTF??!!!!


• Of all the references you could've used, you break out the ammunition reference? So much for a peaceful God. They didn't have springtime flowers back then? Y'all didn't have any rabbits back then? "Ye shall go forth and procreate like fuzzy bunnies and clueless sheep."


• Who pays for all of the therapists and medications when the kids start growing up with REAL emotional problems?


• What does a couple do if the stars don't align for them to have kids? Is that still God's Will, or just crap luck? They never answer that now do they? Let me see them come out on NPR and say that "Barren women are condemned".


• And my last hammer question: Couldn't a pedophile justify and defend himself by quoting this exact same passage? I know, I know, it's wicked... but reread it, and you can see someone actually saying it to a judge.

Now, in their defense (because I DO TRY to see all sides of an issue)...

• They take care of themselves. (I don't see them recruiting every relative and neighbor to help them with their rabbit-like childbirths)


• They farm. (We need more of that)


• No government subsidies. (I guess they'll cash in on that when these minions start attending college. Why waste the small money on cribs and carriages, when you can hit the big 5-digit handouts?)

So, here's my take on all of this.

I think having kids are great. Really, I'm one myself at heart (ask Tara, she'll "testify"). I just don't think they should be the product of a lifelong mission.

Basically, I see kids as being a byproduct of two adults who love each other. If they come along, great. If not, no biggie... go buy a dog.

Time and time again, we see couples who MUST, MUST have kids. It's their life-mission, and the only reason they have to be together.

Talk about marital pressure. Add God to that equation, and you have one heluva lot of pressure on a couple. And that's not including jobs, bills, house payments, car payments, groceries, heating bills, diapers, ... you get the point.

Just so you see what us "normal" people are up against, here's a quote from a woman in that same article:

"If everyone starts having eight children or 12 children, imagine in three generations what we'll be able to do... We'll be able to take over both halls of Congress, we'll be able to reclaim sinful cities like San Francisco for the faithful, and we'll be able to wage very effective massive boycotts against companies that are going against God's will."

- Kathryn Joyce

... Wow. How did I not see that coming?

I wonder if she realizes that's how we ended up here from Great Britain in the first place. Is it possible she was too consumed by reading her version of the Bible, when maybe she should've been reading a history book?

Maybe she's just twisting that passage to suit her own needs? Maybe she's just another idiot vying for the spotlight, because mommy and daddy didn't pay her enough attention. (You can do the math on that).

My Take on the 10%-ers

I've decided to revisit an old rant of mine. Friends and family have heard it many, many, many times. However, it was resurrected this morning with some coworkers.

Here's my take...

10% of the population screw it up for the other 90%.

I think it'd be a LOT easier if we realize that simple fact. It's the ol' "squeaky wheel gets the grease" proverb. The problem is, we spend so much time and energy trying to overcompensate for the 10% of dumbasses out there. You can parlay this into a ton of situations (more on that later).

"Glen, what the hell are you talking about?"

Here's my example. I live in West Virginia. I'm located in the eastern panhandle, about 70 miles west of DC. But don't get me wrong, IT IS West Virginia.

When you think of West-by-God-Virginia, you should think of West Virginia as majestic mountains, the beloved Gold-and-Blue Mountaineers, and the Saudi Arabia of Coal.

But let's face it, you don't.

You think of West Virginia as Dueling Banjos (ala 1972's Deliverance), cars on concrete blocks, missing teeth, confederate flags, and the mecca of single-wide trailers.

And, here lies the problem.

There might be 10% of the WV population that actually lives that way. Oh, they're out there, that's for damn sure. The fact is that there are trailer-park-boys in every state out there (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about either... because you do). There is another 90% of the population out there that is not EVEN CLOSE to that stereotype.

West Virginians tend to be rugged, salt-of-the earth folks who just basically want to be ignored by the 'city-folk'. We drive pickup trucks, have small farms, surf the web, watch football on the weekends, and have a beer when it's hot outside. Now that is a crazy, redneck lifestyle, isn't it?

But, the whole WV culture thing I can handle. It comes with the territory and has been around for generations. Here's a few other examples:

• 90% of black folks get up, work an exhausting 9-5 job, go home to dinner with family, go to bed early just to get the energy to do it all over again. The 10% on COPS is an almost comedic stereotype.


• 90% of religious folks aren't actual "bible beaters". They believe that God has a lifelong plan for everyone, they say grace before meals, and thank God to live another day. It's the 10% that knock on your door, lecture, and bully their beliefs into everyday politics.


• 90% of gay folks don't wear leather ass-less chaps down mainstreet yelling "We're here, We're queer!" Those "flamers" in San Fran really irk the shit out of me, because they really do ruin it for other 90% who just want to be left the hell alone. Imagine having to hide a major part of your lifestyle because some idiot 3,000 miles away gets a 45 second clip on national TV news.


• 90% of Harley riders don't ride with straight pipes, smoke cigars while riding, and give old ladies the finger. Most of the people I meet at rallies are yuppies who understand why a dog hangs his head out a car window.

So, here's my point. At the end of the day, it's the idea that we actually LET the 10% become the spokesperson for the other 90%.

Here's ideally, what I'd love to see... a news clip on the west-coast gay pride parade, then cut to the east-coast version with a banker-type guy saying "That dude is a friggin idiot!"

Why? Because the 10% truly are.

And did i hear you say...

I hear you say the truth must take a beating
The flag a camouflage for your deceiving
I know, yes I know
It's written on your soul
I know, we all make mistakes

This is not a case of blurred vision
It's a case of black holes, pocket holes, soul holes

And did I hear you say
My country right or wrong

-Midnight Oil, My Country

5 Ways to Know you're watching a friggin' "indie" film

Here's 5 ways to know if you're trapped watching an Indie Film:

1. Handwritten Title - not always there, but it's a tipoff right from the get-go.


2. Acoustic Guitar Song - somewhere along the way, there's a song in there where it's one dude humming or singin' along to a solo acoustic guitar


3. Public Transportation Scene - the main character HAS to have a contemplative scene where he/she is standing alone on a metro platform, waiting for a bus, watching a train go by, etc.


4. Subtle Gay Reference - They might be friends of the main character, or in the background of a trainride scene. It's discrete, but it's ALWAYS there... ALWAYS.


5. Ambiguous Ending - NO indie flick ever ends "normally". It's always a quick scene that just sort of fades and then... rolls the credits. I guess it's meant to leave you sitting there going "WTF?". And, yes, Sopranos does come to mind.

Don't laugh, but you'll remember these next time you're watching a Wes Anderson film, or something that was "featured at sundance."

Riding the MARC Train

Recently, the idiots at MARC Train "service" have raised our rates from $250/month to $330/month. That's a 34% increase, for those doing the math... overnight. And we're Pissed. "Pissed I Say!" [insert Senator Byrd tone here, waving a finger in the air]

It all started back in December, when some idiot decided to stop the 3rd train out of Union Station (that's Downtown DC for you outta-towners) heading to Martinsburg, West-by-God-Virginia. So, some of us riders said "This is BS, we can only catch that one to get home".

And, we did what most of the public would do, and sent in the government troops (the local reps, that is). They come out with a huge, happy announcement! They're keeping the last train... Hooray, we'll have a day of honor! It'll ONLY cost each west virginia rider $2 per ticket each way! Wa Hooooo!

However... no one did the friggin math! That's a JACK of $80 per month! They raised our rates 34% ... and they're setting off fireworks!

Did i mention that we're pissed???

And, here's where it gets good. MARC train beancounters start throwing out numbers to justify the raise in rates. oh, i guess they must've tossed the 3rd-train-elimination option now that they've got an influx of cash from the wealthy west virginians.

So, we get on the local officials and reps again... Here's a quote from an actual email from one of them (yes, I've still got the email):

"Unfortunately, Governor Manchin is adamantly opposed to subsidizing West Virginians who go to work at jobs located out of state. I think that's stupid, but that's what we're dealing with."
- State Senator's name withheld

Finally, we get to the bottom of it. Took me 3 months to Matlock this mystery... but I've got it.

And the winner is... Governor Manchin! Step on up! You're the one who's stonewalling this whole thing?! You're the one to blame for us being bent over and jacked by the state of Maryland?! Wow, and to think that us eastern panhandlers bring in THAT MUCH INCOME for the rest of the state to live off of. We make money, we bring it home, and we spend it here. And, as a friend so eloquently put it "... and we vote."

Here's your warning Manchin. Your time is here and now. It's time to step up and represent who put you into office in the first place. It's time to get to work and actually DO SOMETHING. I know it's a novel idea, but you've gotta earn the checks you and the misses are cashing. These same people that you're bending over will have no problem going shopping during election season.

... Which reminds me. Where's Bob Wise when you need him? I still remember eating breakfast with him before a WVU game up at the Ramada... and then seeing him on the newspaper the very next day hanging from a helicopter, and handing groceries to flood victims.

It's as if he remembered who put him into office... go figure. What a novel idea.